I’ve been thinking a lot about how feminine and masculine energy play into the Humans First Workers Second concept.
Before I share my thoughts I have a disclaimer:
I’m not an expert on feminine and masculine energy or any gender studies. I’m just a cisgender woman running a business that is noticing people’s reactions to things. Everything I’m sharing is based on my personal experience and observations.
I first started learning about the differences between masculine and feminine energy when I got married. I should’ve learned about it much sooner considering all of my pre-business interactions, but I wasn’t in circles of people who spoke about it.
My husband is an engineer; he’s used to defending what is right. He is also direct and a non-emotional arguer. I’m a former social worker who now works in the creative industry. I love to collaborate; I’m accustomed to hearing everyone out and trying to find the middle ground.
Oh lord. I remember the first time I realized our styles were night and day. And let me tell you, we still work hard to communicate in a way that each other can understand and respect. If you’ve ever been married, you get me.
Since then, whenever a problem arises, my husband is quick to say – call them on the phone, get it all out in the open, confront them. Meanwhile, I’m just left with my hands in the air, shoulders shrugged asking – can I send an email instead?
It’s not that I want to have a confrontation (I mean… I don’t, but I know that’s often unavoidable). It’s that I want to be able to think through my words before they’re out in the open. I want to send and receive thoughtful responses.
Email isn’t always the solution – I know that. There are times when wisdom dictates something needs to be dealt with swiftly on a phone call. Other times, it’s best not to have something in writing. Emails can also be misinterpreted.
But for me, email is a way to approach my clients with thoughtful and empathetic words.
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Fast forward to 2024, in the span of two weeks, I’ve had two male clients who, I wonder, might not be seeing a therapist regularly.
Side note: Before you think I’m going to bash men, think again. Some of my favorite colleagues and clients are men (Shout out to Evan Cox, John Wojtasek, John Putnam, Oscar Quesada…) They approach others with kindness and respect.
Client 1:
The first client questioned a charge made during their final 30 days. I offered to refund it as a courtesy because I was friends with his wife and wanted to ensure we ended on a good note. He wrote back, “Saying what you are doing for the relationship is nice and appreciated but inaccurate. I know it’s hard to hear, but as owners, we find the best lessons in our mistakes.” He then proceeded to explain his math as to why I had overcharged him.
Normally, I would write this off and decide it wasn’t worth my time to defend myself, but my husband encouraged me to show him the receipts.
Even though this was out of my comfort zone, I put together a spreadsheet with social media approval links, billing charges, the number of posts that were waiting on them, etc. In the end, it was obvious they owed me the money I had refunded him.
I very politely wrote him back and said that the spreadsheet had the accurate “math” on the deliverables and invoices.
His response was little more than “Thanks.”
Client 2:
The second client was upset that I sent an email saying we’d be pausing work until they completed their payment. He insisted that I should have called instead. (Remember my thoughts on phone calls?)
When I did call to resolve the issue (a personal brave moment), he positioned himself as the expert on all things business because he’d run 60+ businesses. He claimed that he’d never treat a client this way and was shocked that I would send the email I did. There was no room for the fact that we might operate our businesses differently.
Instead, there were angry words and condescending remarks about how his experience was better than mine.
Both of these conversations have had me thinking about what it means to live in our masculine and feminine energy while also holding a Humans First, Workers Second value.
So often, I feel like I have to live with my masculine energy to be a business owner. But then I encounter people like these two clients who are doing that but not treating others with respect and it makes me wonder if the gendered energies are compatible with HFWS.
Encounters like these make me want to become bitter and cynical about my place in the business world.
Instead, these are the questions I’m working to integrate into my life:
- When I need to channel my masculine energy, how can I do that in a way that is strong, direct, confrontational AND truth-seeking, open, respectful?
- When I operate from my feminine energy, how can I do that in a way that doesn’t allow my empathy to be taken advantage of and also honors my own needs?
I’ve been learning how to tap into either energy in the moment, but above all – how to do it in a way that honors others as humans first, workers second… even if they’re difficult clients.